She’s Pregnant…Now what?!

We know that it can be overwhelming to find out that she is pregnant. A million thoughts and fears might be running through your head (and hers!). We encourage you to read through the information on this page to know how to better support her through this trying time in her life. 

So your daughter/partner just told you she is pregnant, or maybe she hasn’t told you yet, but you have a hunch. What do you do now?

Hearing news like that can be overwhelming, and scary.

You may feel shocked, disappointed, in despair, embarrassed, even angry.

You may think: “Her life will be shattered. Our lives are ruined.” “What will people think?”

Reality check: This wasn’t the plan you had in mind for her, but it’s not the end of the world.

In a moment like this it can be really hard to speak rationally, and you might find yourself reacting not responding. Remember that your initial reaction will have a significant impact on your future relationship. So while you might be tempted to say things like “How stupid and irresponsible”, or “How could you do this?”, this isn’t the time to vent your anger.

If you have already “blown it”, it’s not too late to show her you care about her and love her.

Focus on trying to understand what might be going on in her head right now. She is likely terrified and unsure about what to do next. Encourage her to take her time in decision making, and to speak to someone who understands what’s going on. (We offer free, confidential peer counseling and information about her options.)

You might be tempted to say, “Whatever you decide we will support you” but this could actually make her feel that she has to figure this all out on her own. It may be more helpful to tell her “We will get through this together” or “We’re here for you and will help you in whatever way we can.”

Parents

Here are some of the do’s and dont’s

DO’S

• Remain Calm.
• Remember. She can’t read your mind. Tell her you love her, and that you will get through this together.
• Listen as she talks about her feelings and plans.
• Encourage her to make rational, thoughtful choices.
• Respect her feelings.
• Help her to learn about all her options. You can find more information here.
• Find someone for YOU to talk too. She isn’t the only one facing change.
• Help prepare her for reality.

DONT’S

• Don’t React out of anger and say things you might regret later.
• Don’t make decisions for her or pressure her into one choice.
• Don’t assign blame or condemn.
• Don’t disregard her feelings about the father. ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

PARTNERS

Here are some of the do’s and dont’s for this situation

DO’S

• Listen, and know the situation involves more than just you. It involves your partner. It involves a baby …your baby.
• Stay Calm
• Be Certain. ­ Ask her if she has taken a pregnancy test or seen a doctor yet. (We offer free pregnancy tests.)
• Respect her feelings.
• Take responsibility. She didn’t get here on her own!
• Remember she can’t read your mind. Tell her you care about her, and that you will get through this together.
• Help her to know all her options. You can find more information here.

DONT’S

• Don’t bail on her. Running away won’t make this go away.
• Don’t react out of anger and say things you might regret later.
• Don’t make decisions for her or pressure her into one choice.
• Don’t tell her it’s all up to her and not share your thoughts. This will just make her feel alone.
• Don’t assign blame or condemn.

Let us help you both! Come in for a free session, where we offer peer counseling, education and community referrals. Neither of you has to go through this alone.